assemble

Stitched-together cedars for painting reference.

It saddens me to say that there are a lot of things I haven't been doing lately to take care of myself and keep myself happy and balanced:

1) I haven't been listening to my little creative impulses. When I think "I should paint that," or "that would make a good camera shot," I haven't been writing it down, taking a photo, painting, or generally considering the fun and intuitive part of my brain at all. For me, that's killer when it comes to art-making.

2) I've been prioritizing other peoples' projects over my own, because those projects are paying the bills at the moment. The bottom line for me is that money is a tool I use to make my art. If I spend three solid months working on someone else's stuff, I'm making money, but I completely lose sight of WHY I'm making money. I need to be making my art daily. So that's what I'm doing again, every morning. Priority one.

3) I haven't been getting out into the bush. I went for a walk in the bush yesterday for the first time in weeks and almost started sobbing from the release. I get everything from the wilderness - a sense of calm, a humbling perspective, inspiration. I'm a fucking idiot for not doing that.

I suspect these are all reasons why I haven't been posting on this blog as much. When I'm not posting here, it means I don't have anything to show, or I don't have anything to talk about because I lack perspective on my life.

I love how this blog has become an integral part of my creative life. My public diary.

Strange.

Buffalo Dreams

Different drawing tools give different drawings. I've been carrying around a red pencil and mechanical pencil for the last couple days, which is resulting in more character design type stuff out of my head, instead of drawing from life.

 ..

 I wish I had some kind of life-coach to tell me what to do, what to prioritize. I have so many things on the go, but I'm not putting myself out on a limb with any of them. It feels dry and a little stagnant. I need to take a lunge at something, but I'm not sure what it is yet. I feel like it's about to emerge, though.

I just want to focus on one thing. I want to say "fuck it" and pour all my heart into some project or dream. Give it to me! Lay it on me!

 I've always worked from one Big Dream to the next, and at the moment I don't have one.

Well, that's not true.

I want to paint.

 I haven't painted in about three months now.

 That's a problem.

 Okay.

Lets get on it.

rain island

(1) I have been neglecting my Key Activities to Happiness (Swim / Bushwhack / Draw / Paint) for over a week now - maybe longer , and it hit me like the Devil this morning. It's amazing how I can feel completely lost if I stop making my own art and / or spending time outside. It's a bad bad place to be. On the bright side, all it takes is an hour of drawing and a blasting cold water dip to put my world right again.

(2) My woodstove appears to be leaking smoke and I'm doing research on carbon monoxide poisoning. My nose is burning but that's not a symptom so I guess I'm okay.

(3) These are the most busy months I've had in a long time, which is why I haven't been blogging. I have a proposal or an application to write every second week with the last one due Jan 15th, and a big project I'm working on with a deadline of Jan 19th. It's absolutely nutty. This coming weekend is the last one where I won't be working for a while.

That's it for now! Once more, unto the breach! Wish me luck!

Studio Mk X

My new studio area is the best I've had so far. Lots of natural light, lots of room, lots of storage for big canvasses and enough space that I can actually work on big canvasses and have room to step back from it.

This is the tenth "studio" area I've had in the last ten or fifteen years. Goddamn, have I ever moved around a lot.

ps. I lost my camera's battery charger in the move, so I'm borrowing a camera and it takes photos differently so I thought this would be a decent photo without looking at it too hard. And I don't feel like taking another photo that is non-blurry.

wildlife

My mornings are:
Black-Tailed Deer,
Chickadees,
River Otters (Mother and two children, and another lone Otter in the next cove over),
Ravens,
Great Blue Herons,
Gulls (don't know what kind yet - never thought to look until now),
Brandt's Cormorants (including a juvenile),
Crows,
Mallard Ducks,
the Varied Thrush,
the Northern Flicker,
Maples,
Arbutus,
Douglas Fir,
Cedar,
moss,
rocks,
barnacles,
cold water.

One of the otters ate something nasty this morning and puked all over the moss. Mucous-like gooey lumps of orange-pink.